i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
