have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
