How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
All the doctor said was why
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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