just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
worst night to have a conscience
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
