You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
