I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think my vagina is haunted
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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