That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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