I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
