Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
