I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize