he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
