Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Pants are for mortals
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