is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
