dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
