The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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