Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
