so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
