The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
