those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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