i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
