Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
