An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
