his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
