He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
