sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
