I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize