I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Panties = found
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