So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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