he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Found the puke drawer
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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