i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
