I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All I want is dick and wine.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
