the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
