how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize