no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
