My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
