I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
