like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
