Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
