the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize