i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
