pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
