State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
