his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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