Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it was like eating out sand paper
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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