Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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