haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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