I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
