I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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