she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
