either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
