capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
