I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
