We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
