She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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