So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We don't watch enough power rangers
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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