I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
