god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize