I was born with a shot glass in my hand
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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