i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
