I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
