She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
