Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
