My nipple is on Facebook.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize