I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
