Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is Oprah even human
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
