this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
