If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
