chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
