Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
