Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
