Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
