Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
