We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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