Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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