i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
