I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
