we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize