Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
