During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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