Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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