I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
