You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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