Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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