He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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