Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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