He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Couch. On fire.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
