can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
