Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
