Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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