Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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