You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
