Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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