A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
