hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
