I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
