I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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